i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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