how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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