I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
