Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
As shirtless as possible
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We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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