I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
