wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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