and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
