I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
