I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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