Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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