i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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