Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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