I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize