Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize