I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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