omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
