Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
