Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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