He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
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I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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