im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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