I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
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MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
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Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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