if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."