so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dating After Heartbreak
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
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Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.