My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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