Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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