oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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