i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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