Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize