I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
