How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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