did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
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I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
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You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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