I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
