I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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