dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
