you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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