official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.