I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.