Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize