are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
