I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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