She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize