WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
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She's like a pop up book from hell.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
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My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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