You're so nebulous sometimes
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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