went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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