my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize