she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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