I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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