she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize