Moan for me like Helen Keller
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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