So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
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He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
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Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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