we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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