I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
