I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize